Disclaimer: The thoughts and ideas presented in the following post are my own, and by no means am I claiming to know everything, nor am I aiming to judge anyone because of what they do behind closed doors or in their lives. I am simply sharing my opinion on what I see as an outsider looking in.
Now, with that being said, I must first say that we are living in perilous times. In my everyday experiences, the thing that I see that bothers me the most are young women vying for the attention of young men. Mostly I notice the statuses of young women on MySpace and Facebook, and when I am out in public, I see scantily dressed young girls, all made up, trying to embody something or someone they are not. And to be honest, it is heartbreaking. But in the intrest of time let me address the Facebook (FB) and MySpace(MS) statuses: I understand that your FB/MS status is your business (and when I use your, I'm not talking to you specifically, just in general). But what I dont think people realize is that other people on FB see your status! So, if your status reads: "Jane is waiting for her man to come over so we can sweat it out" EVERYBODY can see it! And often times I experience that the female is not in a RELATIONSHIP with the man she is speaking of. So, what you're really broadcasting is "I'm having premarital sex with a man that I am not even in a relationship with. We're just 'talking' or 'kicking it' (do people say that anymore? LOL)". Often times, that's just what it is..."talking". The problem I have with this, outside of the fact that sex outside of marriage is taking place, is the fact that your personal business is being broadcasted for all to see. Has the self esteem of our young women deteriorated so much that they dont care about who knows their business? I mean, why in the world would you want something like that all over FB and MS? What is it that you're trying to prove and why? I really dont think that young women realize the type of attention they bring to themselves when they post these things. And then, its the same women who have the nerve to complain when they get random friend requests from males they dont know, and all they want is to use you. HELLO?!? Wake up and smell the coffee...think about the message you're sending! Its not rocket science ladies, come on! And as far as pictures are concerned....its really sad. I see pictures of young girls scantily dressed, poking out body parts that aren't even developed yet, talking about "I'm sexy". No, babygirl you are not...put your clothes back on and have some dignity. That may sound harsh, but thats how I feel. Ladies, I implore you, take more pride in yourselves and be careful what you say. I have learned that people say whats in their hearts. The bible says it best "For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh" Matthew 12:34b.
To Be Continued...
Friday, March 20, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Happy Being Me
Hey hey hey! I must say that even though it is 10:30 at night, that I am full of energy. No, its not because of a 5-hour energy boost drink, or because I've had a bunch of coffee. The energy I'm feeling is from something that is intangible, something that most people know about, but very few fully experience. I'm talking about GOD and His spirit that lives within me. He has brought me from such a long way, and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the journey I've been on for the past 14 months. I wont get into all that because thats another story for another day. Anyway, I recently bought Donald Lawrence's new cd, The Law of Confession pt.1 from iTunes and there is one song on the cd that really spoke to me, and its titled 'Happy Being Me'. When I heard it, I almost broke down and cried because the song speaks of being comfortable in your own skin, and not being moved by the opinions of others. More importantly it reaffirmed what the Lord says in his Word, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that He knew me before I was even formed in my mother's womb. That He knew before even creating me that I would accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior-foreknowledge...(I learned that at INCENSE...shout out to Min. Tiff and Min. Glenn :o) ). In the past I suffered from low self-esteem and depression, all because people around me didn't like the way I was, or for whatever reason wanted me to be like them and in efforts to "fit in" I tried to be like everyone else. But how many people know people who fit in rarely get noticed...And at 22, I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I dont care if I'm "too dark" (as some people have told me), I dont care if I'm "too different", and I don't care if you think I go to church too much...or whatever the case may be. So I say this to encourage those of you who may be seeking gratification from other people: in order for someone else to love you or want to be around you, you MUST love yourself. And thats real...You cant love baggage ladies and gentlemen...honestly, no man wants a woman with a bunch of baggage, and vice versa.
Now, contrary to popular belief, I'm no longer a young woman who looks for gratification in other people. Just seeing the maturation that has taken place in me, I'm just amazed...but none of it was by my doing. I wanted to change and I was a willing vessel...God did the rest. I am happy with who I am, what I look like, what I've accomplished, where I'm going, and most of all, with how God is using me. I know I'm not perfect, and by no means do I try or claim to be. But I do know where God has brought me from, and I'm excited to see where He's taking me. You can either get with me, or get lost because whether you like it or not, I'm HAPPY BEING ME!
Be blessed!
Now, contrary to popular belief, I'm no longer a young woman who looks for gratification in other people. Just seeing the maturation that has taken place in me, I'm just amazed...but none of it was by my doing. I wanted to change and I was a willing vessel...God did the rest. I am happy with who I am, what I look like, what I've accomplished, where I'm going, and most of all, with how God is using me. I know I'm not perfect, and by no means do I try or claim to be. But I do know where God has brought me from, and I'm excited to see where He's taking me. You can either get with me, or get lost because whether you like it or not, I'm HAPPY BEING ME!
Be blessed!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Critically Speaking from a Hypothetical Point of View...
LOL pay no attention to that title; one of my friends used to say that to preface a "deep" comment or statement she was about to make. So, its 2009...thank you Jesus! January isn't over yet and already God is just moving in such a mighty way...I am so excited for the forthcoming months! Well, this past week our 44th President Barack Obama was sworn in to office. Woop woop!!! I am very proud to be an American, and more importantly an African American in such a time as this. True, there are still many issues that we have to overcome as a people and as a country, but everything is good! I feel that Obama has been called to lead our country through this state of turmoil that has plagued us for the past 8 years. Do I think things will be fixed immediately? Absolutely not. In his first term? Maybe. But as Obama so eloquently asserts, change starts with us...yes, you, me, momma and 'nem, Ray-Ray, and Junebug LOL. And I think that America has put so much faith and trust in Obama, that they are exalting him higher than he should be. Now, dont get me wrong, I give credit where credit is due, but WE have to be careful not to get our hopes up and be led to think that in 8 years everything will be back to "normal"-whatever that was. Okay so thats my political tw0 cents...
So, my life so far in '09 has been...well I can't really find a word to describe whats going on in my life. I just feel like I'm being tried and tested for something much bigger and better that's going to be revealed in the near future. In my last post I expressed my concern about Christian dating and the restrictions placed on it. Now, I wasnt complaining, I just wanted to experience companionship with someone who has more on the brain than physical gratification in a relationship. And, to God be the glory, I have a "friend" who does just that. He knows about my situation, and has no problem with it! Crazy right? Yeah that's what I thought too. But I see now, that God is just setting me up for the future, and I'm learning so much about myself and the opposite sex...its wonderful! I mean, I've never in my life met a man that I can have conversation with, and he makes me think, or analyze situations in a different light. Shoot, I'm used to being the "smart one" in "relationships"...and yes I am still smart, its just refreshing to be able to talk to someone and say "hmm, I never thought about it that way." So, needless to say, I'm rather happy about that. And everyday my prayer is that God be glorified through our friendship...I have no clue what is to come of this friendship, but as long as I know that God's perfect will is being done and that I'm happy...yeah, I'm gonna go with that. :o) Let's see, what else? I graduated from college on January 11 which was exciting and right now I'm in search for a job-talk about a frustrating process. But its all good, because the God I serve is faithful, and he has promised me a career, so I know its coming. For whatever reason, a lot of people are in a panic about the job market and the economy, but not me. God is a provider, and His word will never come back null and void. He said that He would never leave me or forsake me; that all things work together for the good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose. So with that being said, LIFE IS GOOD! No complaints, no hang-ups, no nothing...I'm GOOD! I'm sure I have more to say, but my fingers are getting tired...lol...so until next time, be blessed!
So, my life so far in '09 has been...well I can't really find a word to describe whats going on in my life. I just feel like I'm being tried and tested for something much bigger and better that's going to be revealed in the near future. In my last post I expressed my concern about Christian dating and the restrictions placed on it. Now, I wasnt complaining, I just wanted to experience companionship with someone who has more on the brain than physical gratification in a relationship. And, to God be the glory, I have a "friend" who does just that. He knows about my situation, and has no problem with it! Crazy right? Yeah that's what I thought too. But I see now, that God is just setting me up for the future, and I'm learning so much about myself and the opposite sex...its wonderful! I mean, I've never in my life met a man that I can have conversation with, and he makes me think, or analyze situations in a different light. Shoot, I'm used to being the "smart one" in "relationships"...and yes I am still smart, its just refreshing to be able to talk to someone and say "hmm, I never thought about it that way." So, needless to say, I'm rather happy about that. And everyday my prayer is that God be glorified through our friendship...I have no clue what is to come of this friendship, but as long as I know that God's perfect will is being done and that I'm happy...yeah, I'm gonna go with that. :o) Let's see, what else? I graduated from college on January 11 which was exciting and right now I'm in search for a job-talk about a frustrating process. But its all good, because the God I serve is faithful, and he has promised me a career, so I know its coming. For whatever reason, a lot of people are in a panic about the job market and the economy, but not me. God is a provider, and His word will never come back null and void. He said that He would never leave me or forsake me; that all things work together for the good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose. So with that being said, LIFE IS GOOD! No complaints, no hang-ups, no nothing...I'm GOOD! I'm sure I have more to say, but my fingers are getting tired...lol...so until next time, be blessed!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The Life and Times of a Single Woman...
"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn" (I. Corinthians 7:8-9).
The above statement was spoken by Paul to the church of Corinth in an attempt to answer their questions and concerns about marriage. As a single, Christian woman in the 21st century, it seems to me that it gets harder and harder to date. But (there's always a BUT) I am, by no means complaining about the restrictions placed on Christian dating. Whatever the next person does is to their discretion, but the God I serve rewards faithfulness and obedience, so I have made the decision to live according to His will no matter what; not onlybecause of the rewards/benefits, but because its the right thing to do. (Sidebar: Its not possible to "walk the walk" on Sunday, and not "talk the talk" Monday-Saturday. If that's what you do, then hey, thats your decision, but it doesnt make much sense.) With that being said, by no means do I think that I am perfect because of the way I've chosen to live my life, but I do feel that I have a lot to offer to a relationship outside of my spirituality. I'm pursuing my Bachelor's degree, have my own things, have a good job, but my only "downfall" is that I place restraints on the physical aspects of relationships. Meaning, that I am practicing absitnence until I am married. Its funny because while most men "claim" they desire a woman who hasn't been around the block a few times, most of them haven't thought of the reality of those words. I find that when I tell a man of my situation, they typical response is "I respect your decision, but I can't live with it" or "So how do you have fun?" That second response really threw me for a loop when I heard it, which set a trigger in my mind that the conversation with this person was null and void LOL. And honestly, these responses boggle my mind for a number of reasons. Let me explain...I understand completely that most men will not be able to deal with the restriction I have. But what I dont understand is why men contradict themselves. I had one guy tell me that sex was not a big deal in a relationship for him, but when it came down to it, he told me that he could not be in a relationship with me because I would not have sex with him. Maybe I'm missing something; is that not a contradictory statement? I know I'm not supposed to understand the way a man's mind works, and by no means will I ever try to understand. What I do want to know is will things ever change. Like, will there ever be a breed of men who value abstinence and the women who practice it? Because right now, it seems that I'm the laughing stock of locker room discussion (LOL). Many people dont see how I have gone 22 years without any type of sexual activity, and my response to that is, "You cant miss something you've never had." I've prayed over this situation many times, and I've learned that I just must be patient. Until the time comes for me to be found by a man, that I must stand still in God's perfect will and accept things for what they are. I'm convinced that the right man is out there for me; one who will accept my faith as a Christian, and as a woman trying to live life the best way I know how: through Jesus Christ. Until next time ladies and gentlemen...may the peace of God be with you.
The above statement was spoken by Paul to the church of Corinth in an attempt to answer their questions and concerns about marriage. As a single, Christian woman in the 21st century, it seems to me that it gets harder and harder to date. But (there's always a BUT) I am, by no means complaining about the restrictions placed on Christian dating. Whatever the next person does is to their discretion, but the God I serve rewards faithfulness and obedience, so I have made the decision to live according to His will no matter what; not onlybecause of the rewards/benefits, but because its the right thing to do. (Sidebar: Its not possible to "walk the walk" on Sunday, and not "talk the talk" Monday-Saturday. If that's what you do, then hey, thats your decision, but it doesnt make much sense.) With that being said, by no means do I think that I am perfect because of the way I've chosen to live my life, but I do feel that I have a lot to offer to a relationship outside of my spirituality. I'm pursuing my Bachelor's degree, have my own things, have a good job, but my only "downfall" is that I place restraints on the physical aspects of relationships. Meaning, that I am practicing absitnence until I am married. Its funny because while most men "claim" they desire a woman who hasn't been around the block a few times, most of them haven't thought of the reality of those words. I find that when I tell a man of my situation, they typical response is "I respect your decision, but I can't live with it" or "So how do you have fun?" That second response really threw me for a loop when I heard it, which set a trigger in my mind that the conversation with this person was null and void LOL. And honestly, these responses boggle my mind for a number of reasons. Let me explain...I understand completely that most men will not be able to deal with the restriction I have. But what I dont understand is why men contradict themselves. I had one guy tell me that sex was not a big deal in a relationship for him, but when it came down to it, he told me that he could not be in a relationship with me because I would not have sex with him. Maybe I'm missing something; is that not a contradictory statement? I know I'm not supposed to understand the way a man's mind works, and by no means will I ever try to understand. What I do want to know is will things ever change. Like, will there ever be a breed of men who value abstinence and the women who practice it? Because right now, it seems that I'm the laughing stock of locker room discussion (LOL). Many people dont see how I have gone 22 years without any type of sexual activity, and my response to that is, "You cant miss something you've never had." I've prayed over this situation many times, and I've learned that I just must be patient. Until the time comes for me to be found by a man, that I must stand still in God's perfect will and accept things for what they are. I'm convinced that the right man is out there for me; one who will accept my faith as a Christian, and as a woman trying to live life the best way I know how: through Jesus Christ. Until next time ladies and gentlemen...may the peace of God be with you.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Wait For It...Wait For It.....Go!
Okay so I ran across this post on Facebook, and I thought it was rather interesting and it encouraged me a great deal. Its long, but certainly worth reading. For those that may read this who dont identify with a certain religion, put that aside and focus on the TRUE actions of courtship and marriage. Enjoy!
"First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one. "What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently--it just loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage."
"Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively--it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family--the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). Note--who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man--your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again,--WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you--this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person--and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complementarily. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. He cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.
Our Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. Amen."
"First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one. "What about love? Shouldn't that be the third?", you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently--it just loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage."
"Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship, and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively--it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts:
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family--the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22). Note--who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man--your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again,--WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you--this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.
7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person--and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Complementarily. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. He cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.
Our Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. Amen."
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Is Patience Really A Virtue?
People always say "Patience is a virtue", which in a lot of ways is true. But nobody ever tells you that being patient also takes hard work, faith, and perseverance. A virtue is "a desirable quality, moral excellence, goodness, righteousness, etc". Patience, by definition is "an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay." So when dealing with a situation in which you are made to wait an extended amount of time, how exactly do you practice patience? By nature, I am not a patient person, and when I have to wait for something to happen, I tend to get restless LOL. Like, I know that I shouldn't but it's hard not to. For example, I'm currently dealing with a guy whom I really like, and we get along great. The only problem is that he's "lost" aka trying to find himself and everything like that. So, I want to be patient while he's on this journey, and possibly help him as far as encouraging him and everything, but its just so hard. And I know its what I should do, not only because I would want someone to do the same thing for me, but also because its the Christian thing to do. But is there a difference between being patient and waiting for a result thats undesirable? I mean because as far as I know, he could not want to be in a relationship at all. And where does that leave me? This may seem selfish, but I have to guard my feelings. Now, I believe in God and I know that he won't have me wait for someone who isnt worth it. Its from Him that I heard that I should be patient and just stand still. But He didnt say for how long. So until this situation resolves itself, I guess I have to be patient...so yes, PATIENCE really is a virtue.
To be continued...
Friday, July 11, 2008
Testing...1, 2
So, this is blogging...interesting. I dont have anything to write about now, but before the day is over, I'm sure I will...LOL
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